Mourn

45553917436f4b0d2197b50933481e62 There comes a time in every author’s life where they have to mourn. Mourn time lost. Mourn lost opportunities.

But the worst kind of mourning is one that doesn’t really have to do with our writing. The problem is not our style, our grammar, or our punctuation. It’s not our ideas or even our choice of genre.

It’s mourning readers that we’d want to have. Sometimes, we think that our family, our friends, maybe even our colleagues, will be our first readers when we finally let them see what we’ve been writing. But they rarely are.

I’m struggling with that these days. I’ve stopped posting stories online because the website I used has disappointed me to a ‘no turning back’ level, which means I don’t get comments on what I write. That’s hard for me. Comments fueled me and my work.

The only way I could get comments again would be for me to post fanfiction again. But it’s not on those I need encouragements with. I know I shouldn’t need them. I know I should write for myself without expecting in return. I know I should aim to be published and work hard toward that goal and I am.

But those days when I sit in front of a blank page and doubt every single word I type, thinking I’ll be published doesn’t uplift me because there’s no guarantee I will be no matter how hard I work.

So, I have to mourn and keep pushing, head down into my work. It won’t be easy, but I’ll have to do it.

 

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